So I met this guy on a Facebook dating page, you know me I like dating online because I love it and because of my condition making it hard for me to date anyway back to what I was saying, I met this guy on a Facebook dating page when we first started chatting everything was going great we used to chat almost everyday, having video calls but that was too good to be true, after I told him a bit more about my condition he seemed to act cold towards me so later on he just went M.I.A(missing in action) on me and we didn’t talk for a long time so then I wrote him a message on Facebook basically saying that “If you don’t want to talk to me it’s better you just tell me rather than just going quiet” to my surprise he wrote back saying that “no it’s not like that I have been very busy” so I just brushed it off and said okay so we started talking again but it was like I was pulling teeth or making him talk to me although he didn’t want to. So I have just stopped texting him first and waiting for him to text first, which he hasn’t done, so I have just been quite also. I WILL NOT BEG FOR A MAN’S ATTENTION, just my luck..
I was watching this movie called calling for love where this guy met a girl on the side of the road looking for someone to help her with her car and then the guy appeared, he was a mechanic. He helped her with the car as he was leaving the girl gave him, her number but unfortunately he misplaced her number a week later as he couldn’t find the number he then decided to go to a radio network to put out a description of the girl he met. As time went by the radio network and the mechanic started the search for the girl that he only met for 15 minutes in person, he wanted to meet this girl as he said she was the one, to cut the story short he finally found the girl he was looking for. How I wish I can meet a guy who meets me once (even if we met only for 2 minutes) but starts looking for me like crazy saying that I need to find her as she is the one, a guy who is also compassionate, sweet and honest….
I was watching love Island and I was seeing how two people are joined together as one through the power of love, they are so sweet and cute doing activities together having cute little chats, cuddling and more. But as I was watching I also saw the bad side of love where men do dumb sh*t and in the end hurts us women/girls/ladies, where by these men always put the blame on us and once a girl/woman/lady checks out that’s the end of the chapter.. Once, I fell in love it was so beautiful in the beginning then it suddenly changed and became a nightmare, I would want to fall in love again because its such a beautiful feeling but when you have your heart broken it hurts so f*cking bad. On the other hand I wouldn’t want to fall in love again because I wouldn’t want to be vulnerable and give my heart away only to find out that the guy am in love with doesn’t value my love…
In the year 2019 which was the worst and best year, it was the worst year because my mum passed away that same year and it was the best year because in December 2019 I was fortunate enough to travel outside of the country. So anyway this blog post is about a long distance nightmare, so it all began with me travelling to Germany for Christmas, I had signed up for a dating site where I met this guy who lives in germany, he wanted to meet up with me but I was so scared to meet up with him (I was so sceptical thinking that we should at least get to know each other better before we decide to meet each other) anyway it was finally time to go back to my country. Some days went by and I was back home and we continued chatting, we were one(1) year into the relationship, I thought that I finally found my Prince charming but I was so wrong and things started changing for the worst hence my nightmare started, as we were chatting with each other making future plans the next day he just went m.i.a or disappeared on me so I thought to myself thinking that something happened so I messaged him asking him “if everything is okay” which I got no response to, as three(3) days past still no response or anything from him, finally on the fourth day I heard from him and he acted like nothing ever happened. I forgot about it and we continued talking but he disappeared again and this time he even went as far as blocking me, this time I was so upset with him so when he came back in the picture I gave him an ear full and asked him why he blocked me and he said that no he didn’t his phone froze and that’s why I thought he blocked me but I didn’t believe him I thought do you think I was born yesterday and I don’t know how it looks like when someone blocks me anyway I said whatever and we continued talking. It became more frequent (of him disappearing and blocking me) I kept letting it go because I was so invested in the relationship and besides I fell in love with him. In June 2021 he disappeared and blocked me which was for good this time, I try to text him using another phone as to why he stopped talking to me everytime I do, he blocks that number too (which is very childish) but I still text him from other numbers asking him still no response though he just blocks every number I use anyway should I keep on trying to text until he responds or should I just leave him alone?? This was a very toxic relationship hence a long distance nightmare, what should I do??
I was talking to this guy on WhatsApp (we haven’t met) we were talking all day long like we usually do then one night as we were talking he suddenly blocked me on WhatsApp, I just saw that his d.p suddenly disappeared so I just thought that he was changing his d.p, so I went to sleep then the next day I messaged him but my messages did not go then I thought to myself that I should maybe message him using my brother’s phone and to my surprise his d.p was showing plus I could send a message that’s when I realised that he blocked me indeed. After some days he finally unblocked me on WhatsApp after I wrote him a message on direct message asking why he blocked me?? and he messaged me saying pardon me, I didn’t block you, I had a problem with my phone. My phone kept hanging. I had to rectify it yesterday… I can receive messages but I can’t reply, the display was having technical problems now its okay…. But why can’t he use someone else’s phone to message me like what I did.?? Anyway what do you think should I forget him or give him another chance and tell me why
I was watching a movie called 365 days, its romantic and sad but how I wish someone could just kidnap you and tell you that you have 365 days to fall in love or he will let you go if you don’t fall in love in 365 days… That can be so romantic but its only a wish isn’t that every girl’s darkest fantasy but they wont admit it. Doesn’t every girl wish deep down in their hearts that their life partner would be a bit possessive(like 3%) over them, I know I do
My life is a living nightmare which I can not seem to wake up from..I try to be positive and have positive thoughts but then reality hits me hard and the next thing I know am back in the DARK PLACE…. It is like am just a body who is breathing but I have no life, no social life much less a personal life at least the girl in midnight sun was going out at night and living her life as for me no I can not it is like am in a glass house where I can not go outside I have TV to watch and my laptop with me, am stuck in this house by circumstances….
I feel like am just passing through life while am dead inside… I know that alot of people have depression and anxiety and i can relate to people who have depression and anxiety but people can’t relate to me because I have no balance or you can say that am not stable..and no one knows what am going through atleast people with depression and anxiety have friends to talk to when they are going through something unlike me am lonelier than ever i have no friends to talk to, the friends I have had have abandoned me its like they rather not have anything to do with me or its like if they are friends with me they will have some weird disease.. And I can’t talk to my family coz i don’t want them to be stressed or worried about me.. So hence am the walking dead.
I feel like my life is a living curse, I can’t just live a care free life coz my life z full of pain, anguish and frustration. I wonder why pipo complain that their life z so hard when it’s not,that just frustrates me coz they can fix their troubles in life whereby I can’t coz I can only have hope and faith in GOD that everything in my life will be fine….
Am not an ordinary girl living in an ordinary world, am different, unique and special. I have learnt to accept that even though I did not accept it at first and I wasted a lot of time trying to be perfect hence I was so hard on myself and I was so depressed for a long time. But even though I don’t know what’s going to happen in future. what am gong to do in life nor what my purpose z in life. I know GOD z always with me and he will guide me in life…..
I feel like am trapped in my own body because I have this disease or disorder called cerebellum atrophy its basically the shrinkage of medulla oblengater which affects my walking and writing. So its hard for me to find a job because no one wants to hire a girl with cerebellum atrophy….. I feel so useless because am not good at anything…